Comedian

“I’m too funny to work here.”

“You are quite funny I suppose.”

“Ask me to tell you a joke.”

“Can I hear a joke please?”

“My grandmother just had a terrible shock. She saw a flasher in the park and had a stroke…”

“I like that joke.”

“What do you get if you cross a British war hero with a sex act?”

“What?”

“Fellatio Nelson!”

“That’s good, too!”

“I’m currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.”

“OK that’s enough.”

“I’m going to break into stand-up. I’m definitely funnier than Robert Webb off of That Mitchell and Webb Look.”

“You do know comedy is extremely competitive. Apparently only one in two hundred make it.”

“Oh yeah and apparently 93.7% of statistics are made up on the spot.”

“All I’m saying is it can be difficult making a living from comedy.”

“It’s my calling to be hilarious for money. I can feel it.”

“Fine, but what if something happens in your life that makes it hard for you to be funny?”

“Such as?”

“Such as your wife leaving you.”

“She already did.”

“OK, bad example. But say you were diagnosed with cancer.”

“Cancer is a gift to a comedian!”

“I’m not so sure.”

“That’s because you’re not a comedian, you’re a European Network Administrator.”

“Thanks for that. I’ve got one for you. What do get if you cross a European Network Administrator?”

“Eh? … Ouch! That hurt.”